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| I don't understand, I thought I finally met the one and I still do somewhat believe it...maybe these are just thoughts because Im so hurt right now. He is making it sound like I meant to set him up for failer(sp?) when really all I want is to be by his side, support him, help him, love him, and help him become sucessful, etc. I posted a car ad for him and because I added on the words, "I fix cars and resell them." he went off on me and seriously thinks basically what Im understanding from it, "You fucking bitch! Can't you do anything right? You are so stupid." my phone is about to die, Ill have to finish this later.
Back on, well things are good again now. I really do love AJ more then I have ever loved anyone. I'm just going to try my best to put up with those random outburst of anger for things that nobody should get so worked up about. I guess it's the way he was brought up. I really think I'm an easy going person, so when I see someone get all worked up about little things, it kinda confuses the hell out of me, especially when it's obvious that I wasn't trying to be harmful to him and I don't understand why anyone could lash out at their loved one like that....Have I done that to him? It's like he wouldn't let it go. I know I went off on him before, but I let it go pretty quick... ah well, everyone is different. And I do have to remember that it could just be a guy thing. Like when a guy is working on something, they are on edge and you have to stay on your tippy toes so they don't get to angry otherwise it could be a dangerous situation. I do love AJ and I can't wait until we can finally get to the point to where he can ask me to marry him(If he truly wants to). He is the first guy I have no doubts about wanting to marry. I know we can't be the Brady Bunch 24/7. When we do go through rough patches like that, I sometimes start to second guess my thoughts about him. But I need to get over that, because all in all; he is everything I prayed for in a man to love and more. I can't expect anyone to be perfect. But he is pretty darn close  Yesterday was our 1 year anniversary. We didn't do anything special for it, probably because we are so busy with getting this house back together so we can get his kids and he was stuck at work. Next year I'll make up for it. I got about $5,600 back in taxes and decided to give AJ $5,000 because Zoey is his daughter too, and he has already spent a little over $2,000 on me since I have been out of work, plus I love and trust him and feel like he will be more productive with the money then me, which he is already showing that he is. And just in case of an emergency I'll know he has that extra back up money for awhile just in case. He was putting $160 in my bank account every week for food for us, and necessities. I'm looking forward to another wonderful year with my dream man. Oh and did I mention I finally got my ex to leave me alone? Yep yep, he started emailing me and I responded because I figured he just needed closure, I made sure I told AJ about it all. I started out having normal somewhat long messages with him then, slowly keeping it short and waiting about a week to respond. Also I kept bringing up AJ more and more in our conversations making sure he knows how happy I am with AJ. And *BOOM*, next thing I knew he sent me a message telling me he has plans to get married to his "new" Nicole and they are moving to FL and that he feels wrong about messaging me because he felt like he was cheating on her(why couldn't he tell her he was talking to me like I told my wonderful man?). And at the end he said, we should stop talking, that it was his last message to me. Which I didn't respond to that message, I figured it was best that way
I can finally not worry about my ex bothering me and not worry about him trying to chase my handsome AJ away from me. Not sure how he could, but he seemed like he was crazy enough to try.
AJ is at work now, I miss him so much. I think about him all the time, and I never understood how someone could look at a picture of someone and get their self off to it until I met AJ. Yep, I'm being blunt. AJ is amazing in bed and by far the best I have ever had. Because he is so freaking handsome, even him pleasing me all the time makes it hard to not please myself when he is unable to for a day because of work or something. But I just pull up a picture of him on my phone, it doesn't even have to be a nude picture it could just be a picture of his cute face and I get off within minutes. I'm like so amazed that a sexy man like him is into a plain jane like me. Ahh I'm so lucky!!!! He is also my cure from ever looking at porn again Who needs that crap when I have the best with me?
I'm back in the Citizens Police Academy for WR. I also tried to go through the hiring process to become a Police Officer for WR. I passed the Agility Course by one second (I'm out of shape because I just had a baby). But unfortunately... I failed the written exam by 11points. I think I should be able to pass it next time. This is my dream job, I'm not going to give up. I'm so busy this month though, I might have to wait until next month to try again. I am also going to see about taking the Gun Safety Course. I'm sure that will be exciting, I have heard a lot of good things about it. | | |
| I seriously did find my dream guy. He is so handsome and get this; my parent's approve of him and love him. He is so good to me, I thank the Lord everyday for blessing me with such an amazing guy. AJ is the man I have always dreamed about having in my life but never thought it was possible to have someone so perfect. I gotta say though, it's scary because if I ever lost him to an illness, wreck, or anything. It would tear my world apart. I never thought it was possible to love anyone as much as I love AJ. Before I met him I was talking to several guys at once as soon as I broke it off with Kiley. I really just wanted AJ as a friend at first, I didn't think he would be such an amazing guy to be in a relationship with. And I believe he just wanted to be friend's too. But then we realized when I was being stupid and thinking about returning to my ex, that we actually fell inlove with each other. We spent all night talking every day and one night when I found out I was pregnant and telling AJ that I wasn't sure if I should stay with my ex or see if him(AJ) and I would really workout. we were talking all night at Waffle House and he was telling me about his Ex which she is just like my ex. The more he told me about her and how she treated him, made me realize I was going to be doomed with the same thing AJ had to go through if I went back to my ex. That night while we were saying our goodbyes we hugged for hours and I cried in his arms confused on what I should do but knew that I wanted to be with AJ so as I was driving home that night the more I thought about it, the more I knew God wanted me with AJ and I had to stop hurting AJ and make a decision that night before he got sick of me trying to figure out who to pick, to where I would lose him for good if I didn't decide soon. Thank goodness I made the right choice and am 100% over my ex. My ex still tries to message me or contact me in someway sometimes out of the blue, so I show my boyfriend(AJ) it every time because it just freaks me out.
I have been living with AJ since basically February. I love his kids, his mom is interesting(I have a hard time hearing her so it's hard for me to really get to know her.)his FL mom is awesome. And his brother is very sweet. I have no doubts about spending the rest of my life with AJ, that's a first because for anyone else I have had doubts and or just couldn't see myself with them for long. It drives me nuts when we aren't able to be near each other(work keeps us apart for hours o.0) I would even give-up my dream job for AJ, something I would have never done for anyone else. Becoming a cop means so much to me, but if it changes me into a person that lashes out at my love or starts giving me bad thoughts. I'll quit it in a heart beat to make sure I don't risk hurting our relationship. AJ and I just had a baby Oct. 22, one day after my birthday. The labor was quick and he stayed by my side the whole time. Unfortunately I was in to much pain to hold his hand, I held my managers hand from work instead lol. My labor was only like 4 hours long though. Zoey Alyssa I hope that I can be the best wife for AJ someday(I can't wait until we get married, it will feel so amazing to call him my husband) I need to get better at keeping up with house work and cooking to help my man stay stress free. Taking care of a newborn is easier then everyone makes it out to be, but she takes up so much of my time I haven't been able to really cook the best foods and keep this place cleaned  I hope AJ isn't scared that I'm going to remain unorganized like this for long. I'm actually really good at cooking and cleaning when I have more time(I don't enjoy it, but if it makes AJ happy then I have no problem doing it for him)
I love AJ so much, we haven't even had a serious fight yet. I have had my mood swings but when I realize that I'm getting upset at my true love I feel so bad that I even started going off on him. It's almost been a year which I know isn't long for a relationship, but I seriously doubt my love for him will ever die down, it's just going to continue to grow and grow. I'm so blessed it's amazing! I wish I could express how loved he makes me feel and the list of all he has done for me is so long.
Libby is living with us as well, I feel bad because I know she wants so badly to have what AJ and I have. But I'm sure God has a man out there for her, she just might need to go through a few more relationships before she can have that perfect man for her because I don't think she is ready for her perfect man because I don't see her being easy going with Mr. Perfect just yet 'cause she hasn't learned enough about being in a relationship. If I would have been with AJ before I ever met Kiley, I probably would have ruined our relationship right away because I didn't know how to be in a relationship. Being with Kiley taught me so much. I think I'm a lot more easy going now and ore understanding on my other half's thoughts. I'm going for now, I'll try to xanga at least once a month if I have time.
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| Don't really feel like typing much, but I can't sleep, just got off work, and I kinda need to vent.
My kidney infection is back, woohoo! Thank goodness my Dad was able to hook me up and call-in a prescription to Wal-Mart for me. I ended up only having to pay $4 in all. Rather then $1,000 that the Warner Robins Hospital wants me to pay them. Never go to them by the way, they are criminals in disguise.
Work has been cutting hours again, I'm sick of having to beg for work days. But my old GYM high school workout partner has landed a good paying job for something in the real estate business I believe?... I could be wrong. He said they may hire me as well, so I'm trying to score a job there as a Researcher's Assistant making $40,000 a year. I'm sick and tired of how unprofessional the McDonald's I work at is...And many of the people (but not all) are slackers that just bitch all the time and try to start fights. Then they wonder why they didn't get a raise. Sure I only got a 10cent raise but at least it shows I stand out from the rest because I'm the only one that got it :-p
Well turns out some girl(in Macon) who wishes to remain anonymous reported Jason Skinner for stealing my motorcycle. The Warner Robins police said she probably saw my ad on craiglist about my stolen motorcycles. My bike was reported on Oct. 26th and was in impound on that day until like a month later they told us and charged us for a whole week of it being in there ($400) we had to pay to get our stolen motorcycle out of impound. And you know what's really messed up?!?! The impound guys know Jason Skinner. He is.. or was a Master Lock Smith. He did about $3,000 worth of damage to my bike but it's still in good enough shape to where I can ride it, it's just going to cost that much to get it looking back to where it was, it's still a sharp looking bike and turns heads still. He did something with the power commander and the power just isn't as much as it used to be. We are trying to get restitution from him but we kinda doubt that will happen. Just as long as he stays in jail I'll be happy. He has been in there several times before for methamphetamine and stuff like that. He is in there now for stealing my motorcycle but I have a feeling he will be out soon. I know where he lives, I know his full name, his SSC # and some other things. I just don't know what I can do... I plan on suing him though, problem is, he probably doesn't have money. Jason lives in Macon (according to his ID) but one guy at the impound told me he lives here in Warner Robins on Emry Dr. I found out their are some Skinner's that live on Emry Dr. So I wonder.... does he live there as well? Or are they just family? Or is it just a coincidence? I have a lot more investigating to do, whatever happens... I just want him out of the streets in jail, and the damages for my bike paid for. But the cops said he wont be in there long because the prisons are already packed with criminals.... Sucks that criminals only get slapped on the wrist. Now wonder why they keep doing what they do, they don't get in much trouble for it.
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| I got a kidney infection again... My dad is an eye doctor and was able to get me a prescription for antibiotics again. I'll rant about that later. But with the holidays and me being sick again I have been super busy. I rant about that later as well. Marc my xanga friend!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! well.... HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! I'm sorry I missed it, I'll hopefully catch you on your birthday next year. I read a few of your post and plan on commenting on them. I just need to have more time to put some real good thought into my writing on your post before I do. I haven't slept for 2 days because of my kidneys and body being in pain, plus people from work calling me and waking me up when I do try to sleep. Over the weekend I'll be sure to comment on your post Marc, catch you later my fellow xanager! Oh did I mention that I got my stolen motorcycle back? Can't wait to write about that
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| I'm tired of stressing about work and making sure I get enough hours to pay the bills and stay ahead... And I'm also waiting until that last fight so I can just leave and start over. Sometimes I think about just vanishing, with no letter or word to anyone and going to some other state to try it all fresh from a new start... But then I think about the friend's I have here... I could never leave them, I love my Sarah! She has been with me most of my life and we have been through so much together, she knows about all of my flaws and still loves me and she even goes out of her way to stay in touch with me, I know I'm horrible at keeping in touch with my friends (no calls no text) I dunno why I'm like that. But I do have my mind on them a lot, I think about Sarah the most, she really has a piece of my heart. And for Jon.. we have gone separate ways but I still love him, he is now into basically being a criminal and I plan on being the opposite; a Police Officer, I actually wont be surprised if I have to put him behind bars someday. But maybe then I could help save him and turn his life onto the right path.
Libby, my good friend from High School.. The one that never judged me and was always there when I needed just to talk and vent and cry too. Her and her family are always looking out for me thinking of me as one of their own and also want me to move in with them. I really have never had any closer friends then the ones I have now. And because of my love for them, I couldn't possibly vanish... not yet.
I lost touch with my whole family... seriously all I got for my birthday from anyone was... a card from my Uncle... and the sad thing is... he was married into the family.... I feel like an orphan... But I guess I rather have it that way, why be a part of a family that doesn't trust you? I was actually in the hospital the day before my birthday... and the whole week before that I was basically in coma, I believe I already wrote about that. I missed my birthday, I slept through it... But, really I don't even care. For the first time ever I finally got what I wished for, for my birthday to not be a big deal. Kiley and I went over to my parent's house to borrow a car to get a motorcycle from FL but that ended up not happening because once we got to my parent's and I got the keys the guy called saying he was writing out a check which we don't accept checks due to the scams that can be done with checks. Well anyways, while we were there my mom and I didn't talk and didn't even look at each other. We just walked past each other. Only my Dad and I are still talking. I told my mom I don't want anything to do with her anymore because she has hurt me so much, and she is finally giving me something I asked for.
Ah I miss my motorcycle so much, it was my one way ticket to always get away...... I can't wait until I can get another one.
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